I am simply blow away that so many people, most of whom I do not know — are reading my post that I made in a moment of total honesty. I hope that for anyone who read that post, they will find out either more about what it is like to be a former fat kid — or even find support in the posting.
When I reviewed the posting, and did a bit of research. I determined that there was not a lot of information about Gastric Banding out there. There are TONS of books on amazon.com about Gastric Bypass and even the Gastric Sleeve. Yet there is not a lot of personal information from Gastric Banding patients about their experiences I have had many people, some who were thin and curious — others who were overweight/obese and looking for answers, to ask me about my band. So I thought this would be the most appropriate follow up blog to the last one.
Alright — there I am again. Law school again. So how did I move from that girl up there to this one down here?
As I sit and write this post while rocking my VS Pink PJ’s, I never thought I would be here. Sometimes I forget that being a size 12 [give or take — for example JCrew takes (usually an XL/14 or 16) while Talbots gives (usually a Medium/10)] was a pipe dream. I sometimes forget how long and hard I worked to get here. I usually forget those things while wallowing in a big vat of “not good enough.” It is during those times that I wonder why I just can’t be a size 6, why I just can’t stop life to work out more, why I just can’t stop eating entirely to achieve societal perfection.
I was always a chunky kid. I never was thin. So until I was roughly 27 years old — I was overweight, obese. Fat. What always burned me was that I never was the kid who was pounding down milkshakes and twinkies. I played sports, I hated icing on cake (still do), I asked for seconds of veggies and fruits. So why in the world was I so fat? My doctor basically looked at me one day and said: Kid, you were born this way — you are healthy — it’s how you were meant to be.
I never truly accepted that, however. I — like most fat kids — hid the insecuirty with extreme confidence, hid the pain of being made fun of or passed over during gym class with jokes. I poured myself into extracurricular activities and my studies. I would have minor moments of weight loss, but over all I still was large. I never wore Junior sized close in high school — by that time I was living in Lane Bryant.
I remained large and (seemingly) in charge through college and law school. I had boyfriends, I had friends, and I had fun. I was not the larger person who hid in the shadows, I was not the fat girl to be pittied. I had a kick ass life — and my weight never stopped me from trying to learn to fence, belly dancing, kissing boys at frat parties, or kicking ass in class. Not all of us chunky girls were wallflowers, not all of us chunky girls were so concerned about what the skinny folk thought that we hid in oversized clothing hugging walls.
I forget that sometimes. I forget how amazingly confident self-assured, and full of life I was.
Sad to say, my path to dedicated weight loss came not from my own prerogative — but from a man. I was befrended by a man on an online dating site. Yes you read right. He somehow used this dating site to find FRIENDS. Odd I know, but that is another blog post for another time. Regardless, *I* was into him. Then one day he said that he could never date anyone who was fat. I blinked on the phone — that kind of blink that you can hear if you listen close enough. *blink, blink blink* What? Did he really just say? Oh no he didn’t!! Well friends, yes he did. We went on to debate a while…and he stood by his point. He needed to date someone who cared about her body — since being fat must mean that one does not care. I yelled, he yelled, and then we got off the phone. Sad to say my move towards desperate measures to loose weight came that night — when I decided I would NEVER give a man an easy reason to not want to date me.